Hey Feministas! In this final post about Saying No Like a Boss we’ll give you the juicy words to use to tell someone no and still be kind. Sometimes we go to the extreme of saying no out of anger or with attitude or not saying anything and feeling like a doormat. Now there are definitely times when a no out of anger is necessary. Use that voice that God gave you! But there are plenty of times when you need to say no with kindness and keep it moving. So here’s how.
Rather than agonize over what to say or spending hours journaling about what words to use I’ve created simple phrases that work for almost any situation. Of course you’ll change a word here and there to make it fit for you but 90% of the work is done to make it easier for you.
After reviewing the 4 Must Ask Questions for Saying No use one of these statements to get your no out:
#1 – Honesty – You’re honest about how hard it is for you to say no. This invites compassion (usually!) from the other person and they’ll be more willing to accept your no.
Even though it’s really hard for me to say no to _______________________ I need to. I’ve committed to not biting off more than I can chew this year and I won’t able to do _______________.
#2 – Gratitude – Be grateful that they believe in your ability to help them. Remember that you can be grateful and still say no.
Thank you for asking me to do _____________________. Unfortunately I won’t be able to do it this time. Please ask me again in the future. (*only say the last sentence if it’s true!)
#3 – Resourceful – Help them find someone else to assist them. A way of helping is connecting people to other people and resources that will help them. Be resourceful!
I’m honored that you want me to _______________________ but I don’t have the time to commit to doing it to the best of my abilities. Here are some other people/resources who may be able to help you.
#4 – Straight Up – Sometimes a no is a no with no further explanation needed.
I wish that I could do ________________________ but I can’t. Thanks for asking though!
What if they don’t take no for an answer?
In a perfect world we would say no and people would easily accept it and move on. But in this world some people will push back and keep asking when you’ve already said no.
That’s why we’ve given you different ways of saying no. If you tried #2 (Thank you for asking me to do _____________________. Unfortunately I won’t be able to do it this time. Please ask me again in the future) and they come back to you then it’s time to try #3 (I’m honored that you want me to _______________________ but I don’t have the time to commit to doing it to the best of my abilities. Here are some other people/resources who may be able to help you).
If this is new you may feel uncomfortable or stumble over the words until you get the hang of it. That’s okay. Like anything new it takes practice. But it’s well worth the practice of saying no to whata you don’t want so you can start saying yes to what feeds your soul.
Tell us what you would do with your time and energy if you only did what feeds your soul. We want to hear from you!
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