“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”

 ~Abraham Lincoln

The end of this month it will be 5 months since I walked away from a full-time job, without another to replace it.  Two weeks later I relocated back to the town I grew up in, and 2 months later I went back to the job I quit when I left my hometown, 10 years ago. The one thing that was confirmed during this process-You can’t always plan for the curveballs life has in store, but you do control how you view them.

The very first time I changed how I looked at a situation, it changed my life.  Literally, I went from harboring feelings of resentment to shaking my head at myself for being as upset as I was at the situation.  I began questioning my perspective on various situations, and now I do my best to find the positive in every situation by asking one (or all) of  these three questions:

What can I do?

We sometimes find ourselves in situations where we are mad at someone else because they didn’t ask, tell, consider, or think about us for something.  One of the first things to do when faced with this situation is ask yourself “Did I communicate to them that I wanted or needed (in this thing)?”  The answer should be YES-not a kind of or they should’ve known.  If your answer was anything other than a YES then you have no right to be upset with anyone except yourself   No one is a mind reader, no one will ever know you as well as you know yourself.  We have to communicate our interest, likes, dislikes, goals, desires, fears, needs and wants with those important to us.

Is what I believe true or just what I think?

I love the saying “If ‘if’ was a fifth, we’d all be drunk”.  Many of us get  upset, and sad by believing in “what ifs”, “probabilities” and “maybes”.  Don’t get upset by what you think, let what you know determine your feelings.  Do you think people don’t like you, or know because they’ve told you?  Do you know you won’t get the job, or do you think you won’t?  Do you think someone did something to intentionally hurt you, or do you know they did because they told you so?  A lot of times we have this “gut feeling”, and that is a good thing.  Use that feeling to ask questions and to have a conversation, not to determine the fate of relationships.

What is the positive?

Many people think I am crazy when I say there is positive in 99% of the situations that happen to us, and I truly believe it.  Why?  Because most situations change us, we learn what to and not to do, we learn how a process works, and even options for the next time there is a similar situation.  Looking for a positive is hard to do when we are first confronted w/situations, so don’t look for it immediately.  Once you begin handling the situation or the effects of it, then look for the positives.  People learn things about themselves during difficult or uncomfortable times, and sometimes they  go on to help others.

There are times I question the recent decisions in my life.  Adjusting to a new lifestyle is never easy, but I am able to pull the positives from it.  I don’t concern myself with what others “think” (or what I think they think), I respond to what they say and do.  Finally, I always ask myself “What is next?”  What am I going to do next to improve a relationship or reach a goal?  Knowing that I can change the way I view a situation is something I had to learn, but it has been the most valuable lesson thus far.  Feministas, do you agree that everything is about perspective?  Tell me why or why not?

[info_box type=”alert_box”]Caring for yourself including takes care of your finances.  I encourage all ladies who are serious about self-care to go on The Happy Finances Challenge. In 42 days you can learn to make money decisions that will lead to long-term financial happiness. [/info_box]